i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
