How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
nutella sex= disaster
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
