You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
