Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
