sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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