apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
