Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
