Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Randomize
