Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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