Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
