Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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