p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
