Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
