Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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