Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
