I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
