You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
