Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can Purell be used as lube?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
