Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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