She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
