i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so let's talk penis.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
