Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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