the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
