That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
