Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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