Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
