Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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