I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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