sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
too bad you live with your parents still
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
