I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
