dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
