and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
