my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
