lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
