Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My feet surprised me
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