Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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