I accidentally had phone sex last night
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am one with the molecules
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
