Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
