I'm eating all of the evidence.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
