i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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