i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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