Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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