She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
