Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
