i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
They left me at home... I'm a liability
PANTIES FOUND
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