and she was petting her beer can
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
