Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
