Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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