:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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