i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
