Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
