There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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