Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
