so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
