I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
