Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
